Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
3 2 1 whiskey
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
