So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
