the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
