I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize