i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Enjoy the penises
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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