We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
