I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
