I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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