Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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