oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
