Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize