Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
