Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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