I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
