we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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