it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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