Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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