On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
