Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
