True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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