I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
