her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
