His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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