im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
