I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
