just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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