Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize