remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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