i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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