Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
