and you said cock pushups were impossible
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
