I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
