Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize