There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
