look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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