Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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