I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
