How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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