If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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