i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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