I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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