he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
