i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
