oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize