Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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