The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
