yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
