mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
