so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We are two peas in an std pod
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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