Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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