Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
