I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So vagazzling was a success
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
