He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
