woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
