Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
