honey bunches of taint.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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