Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
being pregnant is like rehab
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My vagina just clenched in fear
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize