I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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