Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
