I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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