I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
