My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
