im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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