Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
