Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
