problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
