if you like me you must not know who I am
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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