Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
