Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
